The holidays are often described as a season of joy and togetherness, but for many people—especially those dealing with complex trauma—it can also be a time filled with anxiety, stress, and feelings of pressure. If you’ve found yourself caught up in people-pleasing during this season, constantly putting others’ needs above your own, know that you’re not alone, and there are ways to work through it.
Why People-Pleasing Can Feel So Strong Around the Holidays
For those who’ve experienced complex trauma, people-pleasing can become a familiar pattern. Often, it’s a coping mechanism developed from past experiences, perhaps as a way to feel accepted, validated, or avoid rejection. When you’ve learned that being “good” for others’ approval feels safer, it’s easy to get caught up in meeting others’ expectations—especially during the holidays. Between family gatherings, social events, and holiday obligations, it can feel like a marathon of pleasing others, sometimes leaving your own needs on the back burner.
Steps to Take Back Your Holiday Season
- Recognize Your Triggers:
Understanding what sets off your people-pleasing tendencies is the first step. Maybe it’s certain family members, social situations, or even specific conversations. Recognizing these triggers can help you plan ahead and prepare to set limits on what you can take on. - Practice Boundaries (It’s Okay to Say “No”):
It’s important to remember that boundaries are essential, not selfish. Saying no to things that feel overwhelming is okay! Setting boundaries can start small, like limiting time at a gathering or politely declining an extra responsibility. Assertively communicating your needs, even if it’s uncomfortable, can help protect your well-being. - Make Self-Care a Priority:
Self-care can mean different things to different people—whether it’s spending a few quiet moments with a book, taking a walk, or simply breathing deeply for a minute. Making space for activities that recharge you can keep your energy balanced and help you feel more present. - Try Mindfulness Techniques to Find Calm:
Mindfulness can be a powerful tool to reduce holiday stress. Taking a few moments for deep breathing, meditation, or simply being aware of your thoughts and feelings can help you stay grounded when things get hectic. - Lean on Support When You Need It:
If the holidays bring up intense feelings, it can help to reach out for support. Talking with a therapist or counselor, especially someone experienced with trauma, can provide you with tools to navigate this season in ways that feel manageable and healthy. - Focus on What Matters to You:
Instead of focusing on how to make others happy, think about what brings you joy and meaning this season. Cultivating gratitude for the positives in your life, however small, can remind you of what truly matters and reduce the pull to seek outside validation.
At Common Thread Counseling, we understand that the holiday season can bring up unique challenges for those dealing with complex trauma. If you’d like a safe space to talk through your experiences or need help building strategies to navigate the season, don’t hesitate to reach out.
We’re here to support you on your journey to healing and growth. Get in touch with us here!